found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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