the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
