my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
