Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
