my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
