idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
