We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
