So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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