she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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