just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's like iHOP with fire
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
