It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Bring me that man meat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
