My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
