dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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