I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
