everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
