Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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