They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
