Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
