I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
