Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
