how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
