We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So much rum. So many feels.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't put those talents on a resume
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
