My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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