we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
