Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
