my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Come share oat with me in your robe
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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