Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
