Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
