even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
