I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
