i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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