I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
