grandma shit on top of the toilet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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