I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You are a genius and a whore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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