Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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