Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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