He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
