Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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