Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
