youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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