Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i came on her dog
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
