My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
