Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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