life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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