I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
