he wants to bone in the snuggie
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
