Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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