I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
