Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
