Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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