You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
