your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
