We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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