Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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