well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
