youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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