every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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