dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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