i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
