Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
