My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
