Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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