i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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