I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my shit smells like andre
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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