i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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