Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
