a bad idea.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.