dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
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She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags