capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?