I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?