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You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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